The Results Are In

I went in for my beta blood work this morning, and this afternoon my nurse called to confirm what I already suspected: Our first IUI cycle was a failure. This is very depressing, but to be honest, I got a lot of my tears and the disappointment out of my system earlier in the week after my tests continued to come up negative. Now I’m looking ahead to our next cycle. Tonight I’ll stop the Prometrium and Estrace and wait for my period to arrive. For better or worse, after a certain amount of time trying, you really do start to assume you won’t be pregnant, so the disappointment isn’t quite the same as it used to be.

I’m going to try my best to have a fun weekend with my hubby and our extended family and not fret about our first official treatment failure. I’m thinking a few large margaritas poolside will be help make this a reality. Hubby leaves for international travel for work next week, so this next IUI cycle will be on my own (with frozen sperm!) which should be interesting. Maybe we’ll be telling our future son or daughter that they were conceived while their dad was in Japan. Would be quite the story!

The Stages of the Two Week Wait

1-5 DPO – This is TOTALLY the cycle! I can feel it! I’m relaxed and feeling optimistic.

6-8DPO – I’m feeling cramps and pinches. This MUST be implantation! Tests are still turning up positive, which means HCG from the trigger is still in me.

8DPO – HCG is out of my system! Yippee! Tomorrow is the day for a real test.

9DPO – Take a test. Do I see a line? Look at the test in natural light, in a photo that I took of it, in a tweaked photo that I took of it. Ask hubby. Ask random people online. I am crazy. Finally decide that indeed, there is NO line. BFN. Devastation. Tears. I know it is too early, but I can’t help the irrational sadness.

10DPO – BFN. Again. Starting to lose hope and crawl into my deep, dark place.

11DPO – My temperature is dropping and my boobs hurt. Another BFN. Feeling the same that I do every month at this time, which means I need to accept that this wasn’t the cycle. Give myself the big girl talk about force myself to let it go. Throw away my collection of this month’s dip strips.

I’m now at 12DPO and making plans for our next IUI cycle. Hubby is traveling for work starting this weekend, so we’ve decided to go the frozen sperm route this time around. Not feeling great about it, but also didn’t want to miss another cycle of trying due to travel schedules. I realize there is still a glimmer of hope at this point, but I’m also realistic. Curious to know if others become similarly crazy each month. I’m a ball of emotions from 6-11DPO, but then the second I feel/know I’m out, I’m ready to turn the page and  move along with the next cycle.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

-Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

I’m now more than a week past my IUI (8dpo) and the waiting gets harder every day! My mom and I had a great girls weekend in Charleston and that helped me relax and take my mind off things, but now I’m back to the daily waiting and wondering. I’ve been testing out my trigger shot and this morning was the first test that showed up negative. Crazy that hcg hangs around in your system for that long! I haven’t experienced any symptoms above and beyond minor cramping and fatigue that I’ve learned not to give any merit to. I did start with a bad sinus cold earlier this week that I’m still battling.

We found out this week that my hubby has to travel internationally again for work during our next treatment cycle, meaning if this one doesn’t work, we’ll need to consider freezing a sample and going that route. Anyone have experience with using frozen sperm for IUI? I think we would rather do that than put things on hold.

Carolina on my Mind

My mom and I flew to Charleston, SC for a girls trip last weekend. Back when we planned the trip, we didn’t realize it was Mother’s Day weekend, but it turned out to be a lovely surprise! It was so nice to have a weekend to relax and spend quality time with my mama. We only live two hours apart, but we’re both busy and it was a luxury to have a whole long weekend to just relax together and catch up. We stayed at an AMAZING hotel, ate at some really yummy restaurants, took a horse drawn carriage ride, chartered a boat out to a barrier island with a lighthouse, and of course did a lot of shopping! Charleston is a beautiful city, steeped in history. And did I mention that everyone is so darn NICE? Totally refreshing. I would highly recommend it for a girls getaway or romantic vacay!

mom

My beautiful mama on the balcony at Poogan’s Porch

Horse drawn carriage ride through historic downtown Charleston

Horse drawn carriage ride through historic downtown Charleston

Finding sand dollars and checking out the lighthouse on Morris Island

Finishing an amazing weekend with dinner at Husk - voted best new restaurant in America in 2011

Finishing an amazing weekend with dinner at Husk – voted best new restaurant in America in 2011

Hotel: French Quarter Inn

Restaurants: Cru Cafe, Poogan’s Porch, Magnolias, Husk

Charter/Boat tour: Absolute Reel Screamers Charters

Carriage Ride: Palmetto Carriage

My First IUI

After almost two years of TTC, we finally had our first official treatment yesterday. The IUI went well and I was surprised at how fast and easy the entire process was. I joked to hubby afterwards that it *almost* seems like you could do that by yourself at home. Kidding, obviously!

My RE doesn’t do an ultrasound at the time of the IUI, but I know I had at least two mature follicles. My E2 level on the day of my trigger shot was 635, which my nurse said correlates with 2-3 mature follicles. I felt ovulation pain on both sides starting about an hour after the IUI, and it continued through last night. I also had a nice temperature rise this morning. Hubby’s counts came back at 16m postwash and 89% motility, which the RE seemed happy with. One thing that surprised me was that his prewash count was 160m. Where did all those other sperm go!?

My plan for the next two weeks is to try to keep my Dr. Google appointments to a minimum and try to stay relaxed and positive. I’m headed to Charleston, SC for a girls weekend with my mom in two days, so that should help with the relaxation! 🙂

Fingers crossed!

Fingers crossed!

 

IUI #2 is ON!

I went in yesterday for my cycle day 11 ultrasound and bloodwork. I had one follicle measuring at 21.2, one at 16.7, and two 15s trailing behind. E2 was 635 and lining was at 6.9mm. In the afternoon I received the call from my nurse that we’re a go for IUI. Yay! I was a little worried that even on only 25mg of Clomid I made 4 follicles that could possibly be mature at the time of IUI, but the nurse said my E2 was much lower and since one follicle was clearly dominant, it is less risky than last month when they canceled my cycle (had a 19mm, 4 at 16mm, 1 at 15mm).

I did the trigger shot (Ovidrel, pre-mixed) last night and it didn’t hurt at all. A friend suggested icing my stomach beforehand and that seemed to help a lot. My RE also had me start Estrace immediately to help to thicken my lining because they like it to be at least 8mm. After the IUI tomorrow I’ll continue the Estrace twice daily and add in Prometrium as well. All kinds of fun stuff to insert down there! Pantyliners will be my new best friends. Haha.

Needless to say, I’m very excited for the big day tomorrow! It finally feels like we’re taking that next step after months of testing and appointments. Fingers and toes are crossed!