The Things Infertility Steals From You

Sunrise from my window

Sunrise from my window


The Element of Surprise
If we do get pregnant, we won’t be able to experience in the same way as others the surprise that comes with finding out that we’re expecting. When we first started trying, I imagined that perfect morning when I would wake up and just “know” that I was pregnant. I would then take a test, which would be positive of course, and then think of a sweet way to tell my husband the amazing, life changing news. We would then get to think of fun ways to tell both sets of our parents that they would be first time grandparents.

While it will still be amazing news to share, our parents, siblings, and some friends know about our struggle with infertility. We lean on them for support and keep them updated on our treatment cycles, meaning we lose the element of surprise. That being said, when we do finally see a positive on a pregnancy test, I’m sure it will surprise the hell out of me!

The Ability to Plan
Invited to go away for the weekend with friends? Sorry, have to go to the doctor at the crack of down to have blood drawn and an ultrasound. Boss needs me to travel for work next month? Need to check my fertility app and get back to her. Want to plan a vacation to Ireland in three months? Have to consider if we’ll be moving on to IVF by then. Not to mention my plan of getting pregnant before I turned 30, which is laughable now. I’m a planner by nature and not being able to plan this huge part of my life has been very challenging.

Forward Progress
When we first started trying to get pregnant we put off a lot of things, thinking we would be expecting in the near future. We eventually learned that pregnancy wasn’t going to be something that we could plan, and are trying to learn that our lives have to continue to move forward while we wait. I always pictured my life with kids, and some days it is hard to know what to do with myself and how to reevaluate my goals, priorities, and the way forward.

On the plus side, there are a few things that infertility gives to you…

Appreciation for Science
It is very humbling to think that without modern medicine and infertility treatments, I might not be able to have a child. While I know this road can be long and painful, I also know I’m blessed to have so many options. If I was born a generation before, my options would have been very limited. Infertility has given me a deep appreciation for the amazing things that science can accomplish.

Stronger Bond with Your Partner (if you’re lucky)
When we got married and chose to share our lives with each other, I would never have imagined that we would have trouble starting the family that we both imagined. I’m very blessed to have a supportive partner who is on my side and engaged in this journey.

Infertility makes you realize that nothing in life is promised. It has given me the perspective to see all the blessings in my life and be very grateful for them.

5 thoughts on “The Things Infertility Steals From You

  1. Lovely picture! I definitely feel the same way about planning, having a baby before 30 (just hit that mark so mission failed), and the element of surprise. Like you I think when that second line finally shows I will probably faint from the shock.

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