Well, it happened. I cried in public. When I first talked to my mother-in-law about how we were having trouble getting pregnant, she opened up to me that she and my father-in-law had trouble, too. She recounted with very real emotion the pain she felt when she saw pregnant women or mothers and children. She told me she even broke down and cried one day at the mall, thinking she might not have a family of her own. This made me think I must have my shit together because I definitely haven’t cried in public yet! Until yesterday…
I was at our local Whole Foods after work to pick up a few things for a get together. I managed to arrive at a time that I can only describe as baby hour. There were babies EVERYWHERE. I went about my business and made it out of there in record time, with my guac and artisanal cheese. Yum! I make my way into the elevator and BAM! There is a mom with her baby, who looked to be about six months old.
Now I’ve seen a lot of frazzled mothers of babies. Tired mothers. The occasional bad mother. But this particular mom had this look in her eye like she had just fallen in love. I smiled at the baby, because who can resist smiling at a baby in an elevator? This was the mother’s in to tell me that her daughter had just said dada for the first time and she couldn’t wait to tell her husband. Sigh. I haven’t seen someone look that over the moon in a long time. Out of nowhere, I started crying. I congratulated her and quickly moved my sunglasses down over my eyes. An elevator is a very intimate space and I prayed that the door would open soon before she wondered what in the world was wrong with me.
I think my emotion was a mix of sadness for myself, and also happiness that this type of love exists. I hope I can experience it one day. Thank you to this mother for simultaneously breaking my heart and restoring my faith that this journey will be worth it in the end.