Surprise Pregnancy Announcements

Fall is a time for many of my favorite things, including beautiful foliage, chilly mornings, boots, and college football. College football means meeting up with old college friends to relive our glory days. Or at least it used to. We’re now in that stage where almost ALL our friends have kids/babies. The college friends were among some of the last to bite the bullet, so there are lots of babies and surprise pregnancy announcements are always lurking.

Let me say that I’m typically not one of those people who can’t handle pregnancy announcements. If you’re one of those people, I totally get it and I’m not judging at all. But usually I can keep it together and put on my happy face. In two weeks we’re invited to a little reunion with a bunch of college friends. There will be a bunch of kids, a newborn, one friend who I found out today is five months pregnant, and another who I have my suspicions about. I’ll be about one week into my stims and I’m a little worried about how everything is going to go. Some of these friends know we’re having trouble conceiving (an understatement at this point) but others have no idea. I can deal with all the baby/pregnancy talk, but I’m dreading the conversation turning to us and when we’re going to have kids.

Today’s strategy for the surprise pregnancy announcement was to toss my greek yogurt and veggies back in the fridge and binge on some of these bad boys for lunch. Hey, it is the first official day of Fall!

My Fall Weakness - Candy Corn!

My Fall Weakness – Candy Corn!

I’m still working on my strategy for our reunion in a few weeks. I want to be open, but also don’t want to turn into an emotional mess. It can be a fine line to walk. I’m curious to know how all of you cope with surprise pregnancy announcements and friends who aren’t clued in to infertility? I’m very open to suggestions! 🙂

18 thoughts on “Surprise Pregnancy Announcements

    • Nothing wrong with that! I’ve been open with select friends, but this is such a large group of people we don’t see as often, so it is a little overwhelming.

      • yikes! I bet! Sometimes I just tell people that we have been trying (I might even mention the length) and hopefully one day soon we will. Some people usually catch on…others will then start dishing out advice which I can usually shrug off and ignore.

  1. Ok. This is a toughie but I always find that talking about the topic is the hardest. So I’ll usually go play with the kids. Chase them around. Chat etc. They are not asking questions about babies! When my friend dropped in to the office the pregnancy talk started among the women so I asked if I could hold the baby and I took him around the office and we checked out all the fun stuff.

    Thata pretty much the only suggestion I have. If I’ve had enough of adult talk I go and entertain the children and the parenta appreciate the break! X

  2. I say answer quickly then deflect. Something like ‘we would love kids as soon as we are lucky enough for it to happen’ then turn to someone and ask a different question’ how’s the job/ baby/etc’

    • Yes, it definitely depends on the audience for me. If I am with a small group of friends or one-on-one, I’m definitely more comfortable sharing. Thank you!

  3. I deflect too! My go-to is “we’re thinking about it!” My new one is “we can’t really control when it happens,” which seemed very ironic when I said it because we had already started IVF, the whole point of which is exactly to control it! Whatever, I totally get not wanting to talk about it, there are very few people in my life who know anything about what we are going through. That’s why I’m very thankful that I’ve met a few other women going through this that I can talk about it all with, and of course the blog world!

  4. Last week, a friend of mine told me she was pregnant while we were at a wedding. I’ve never been so thankful for an open bar in my life.

    When I’ve told people, it’s been really casual. Like hanging out in a garden shop. Or standing in line to get coffee. Mostly, I don’t want to make a big deal of it, because I don’t want see that weird, empathetic sad face that people give you when you tell them. I’m also not a super emotional person, so most of my friends don’t expect a huge heart to heart.

    In summary, do whatever is true to who you are. In this, and in all things.

    • You’re right, the sad face is the worst. I think people just don’t know how to respond or what to say sometimes, which is what makes it hard to want to share. The last thing we need is to be pitied!

  5. Oh Lawdy! So, in my group of 6 girlfriends, 5 are pregnant. 1 of the 5 just cycled with me for the last IVF, put in two 3 days embies and got twins (I ASK you). At work, 7 of my colleagues are pregnant, the lady in the next cubicle, whom I suspect had IVF, has boy twins! I’m past being patient and polite, in my life, I figure I’m doing very well to even make it out with my general sensibility intact. If people ask, I tell them, we have been trying for three years, with medical intervention and it has been dismal and horrible- let’s talk about something more cheerful, how are you/tell me about xxx (insert topic of interest to them).

  6. Oh, amen to not wanting to see the weird, empathetic sad face. It’s so true. And also, I just tell them the length of time we’ve been trying and that yes, it’s horrible, because that’s really the gist of all they are interested to know (because they aren’t that interested, actually) and the extent of ‘support’ they can give.

    I still feel punched in the gut at pregnancy announcements. I’m not sure it can be helped, there are some whom I feel happy for but it doesn’t take away that jarring reality and sadness for us.


    • One of my friends said it best when she was going through infertility – she said you get to a point where you just don’t understand how anyone actually gets pregnant without intervention, so every time someone announces a pregnancy it is a mix of frustration, sadness, and even some confusion of how can it be so easy for others.

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