Family Planning for Infertiles

Maternity painting

Babies are generally made in one of two ways. 1. A couple decides they are ready to grow their family and they start trying to get pregnant the old-fashioned way. 2. OOPS!

When you’re infertile, neither of these methods really apply to you. The first time around, we didn’t know we were infertile, so we spent many years trying to avoid 2. and then a few years desperately trying to achieve 1. When trying naturally produced no results, we turned to fertility treatments and were put on a path that eventually lead to IVF, which gave us our most precious gift, our daughter. It also gave us another unexpected gift: the possibility to grow our family again through frozen embryos.

This leaves us in a weird fertility limbo. While I’m not sure we’re ready to get pregnant right now, we know we would like more children and it seems weird to sit around and get older/more infertile. We also are hyper aware that time is not on our side. Do we try on our own and see if things magically work this time around? After all, our diagnosis was unexplained infertility and it is possible, but not likely, that I could get pregnant naturally. But where does that leave those little frosties?

I remember clearly the mix of emotions I experienced when the clinic called to tell us they were able to freeze some embryos. Four to be exact. Wonderful! But wait…four!? Four means the (unlikely) possibility of five children. How did we get from wanting a child so desperately to the possibility of five children?

Our perfect daughter was created through the same process as our frozen embryos and I feel an obligation to give the others a chance at life. I don’t necessarily see them as our children, but as the real possibility of life — much more tangible when I see my growing, healthy little girl. We made the decision to create them, out of both love and desperation, and it is hard to consider the possibility of not using them if we are able to have more children the natural way. You see, there are no easy decisions when it comes to infertility.

We are enormously blessed to have had success with IVF, and even more lucky to have frozen embryos that will allow us to try again. And soon there will be big decisions to make…


5 thoughts on “Family Planning for Infertiles

  1. I think about our little family of embryos all the time. Jude’s little brothers or sisters. We drive past them (in storage) often and I give them a little wave!
    They are exactly how he came to be. And he’s pretty much perfect so we know they are a good batch and that’s how we’ll do this again (if we do this again).
    On the other hand I understand how tempting it is to want to try naturally. It would be amazing to discover that you are pregnant through your own efforts!
    For me I know that the best result we ever got was with Jude so I am more than happy to walk that path again xx
    Good luck with deciding!

    • Thanks for sharing! It’s nice to know that other people are facing the same decisions and I love hearing your perspective. You have a good point that since the process worked before, why not trust it again? I need to remember to protect myself from the cycle of infertility. Casual “seeing what happens” could easily turn into sadness and obsession and bring us back to the years of heartache. It makes sense to avoid that!

  2. Hi! I know this post is from almost a year ago and I don’t even remember how I got here! haha BUT We face the same situation but I think we have 7! Although we transferred 2 and just 1 stuck around for the 15 month old we have now. I decided since we have those embryos it just wouldn’t be right to try on our own, plus those embryos are from our 35 year old selves vs. now almost 38.

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